Helen: So, how does everyone like our new home?
Jeremy: It's a little cramped, but I suppose it'll do. At least there aren't any ads.
Merene: Now, just how long have you had this space, Helen?
** Helen blushes **
Helen: Now, moving on....
** Falcon enters **
Lucine: Well, look who's crashing the party.
Helen: Play nice, children.
Falcon: Helen, you're no fun at all.
Jeremy: So, what hideous fate do you have in store for us today, Helen?
Helen: You'll have to wait a while... they aren't here yet.
Lainnys: What do you mean? Who's not here yet?
Helen: You'll see.
Falcon: I think that someone's been finding new influences for the story.
Lucine: Sheesh. As if it wasn't a pathetic mass of plagiarism already.
Helen: For creations of my imagination, over which I have total control, you sure could be a lot nicer to me.
Lucine: Yeah, we probably could. Your point is...
** Helen sighs **
Lainnys: Does this have anything to do with why you haven't written our real story in so long?
Helen: Well...it's not the only reason...
** Lucine shuffles through Helen's stuff **
** Jeremy helps her look **
Lucine: Aha!
** Lucine holds up Helen's collection of Slayers tapes **
Jeremy: Your little scheme is exposed, Helen!
Helen: But you're too late! They're here!
Lina_Inverse: Hi!
Sylphiel: Sorry we're late!
** Amelia flips in from above **
Gourry: What's going on? Who are all these people?
Helen: Slayers cast, meet the cast of Ocean of Dreams.
Lainnys: What is the meaning of this?!?!
Helen: Well, Ocean of Dreams doesn't have nearly enough popularity, so I figured that I would bring in some characters from a very popular anime and set up a sort of mentorship program, in which I pair up characters with the most in common.
Lucine: I do believe she's sunk to a new low.
Jeremy: If that is even possible.
** Helen clears her throat **
Helen: So...who shall my first victim be?
Gourry: Uh...is there a virtual restroom somewhere in the vicinity of the chatroom?
Zelgadis: It's right down that virtual hallway.
Gourry: Thanks.
** Gourry exits **
Merene: I guess I'll go first. Who are you pairing me with?
Helen: Well, you and Sylphiel both have long, dark blue hair, and you're both quiet, nice girls, so you're paired.
Sylphiel: All right, what do we do now?
Helen: It's up to you two.
Merene: Okay...um...
Sylphiel: uh....
Helen: Moving on...Lainnys, I couldn't decide whether you are more like Amelia or Lina, so you get both of them.
Lina_Inverse: What? What? I'm the star of Slayers, and you pair me up with this sidekick princess? I don't even get her to myself!
Amelia: Oh, come on, Miss Lina, we get to work together! It'll be fun!
** Gourry returns, dragging Adrin by the ear. **
Gourry: Um...this guy was hiding in the bathroom.
Helen: Adrin, what were you-
Lina_Inverse: Who's he?
Helen: Another Ocean of Dreams character, Adrin, the prince of-
Lina_Inverse: EEEEE! A prince who actually looks like a prince! EEEEE!
Helen: What can I say, girls? He's irresistible!
Adrin: Helen, you are too cruel.
Helen: That's what you get for hiding in the bathroom during a chat session!
Adrin: Okay, then, who are you pairing me with?
Helen: Zelgadis, simply because you are two of the coolest characters ever created, in my humble opinion, thank you very much.
Jeremy: And because Gourry and I both have blond hair and special swords, and Zelgadis is the only male Slayers character left.
Helen: ...
Jeremy: I'm right, aren't I?
Falcon: I think I have more in common with Zelgadis than Adrin does.
Lucine: And you didn't even pair me with anyone? What's up with that?
Helen: Um....I didn't think about that. Uh...how about Falcon goes and joins the group with Zelgadis and Adrin, and Lucine can go over there with Lina, Lainnys, and Amelia.
Adrin: I smell trouble.
Zelgadis: Pairing Lina up with anyone who has things in common with her means trouble.
Adrin: And if that means Lina is like Lucine and Lainnys, all hell may very well break loose in here.
Falcon: That sounds dangerous.
Adrin: I'm going back to hiding in the bathroom.
Zelgadis: Good idea.
Falcon: I'm with you.
** Adrin, Zelgadis, and Falcon exit **
Lina_Inverse: Hey, where's Adrin going? I wanted to talk to him!
Lucine: Seeing as I am at least in the same story as he is, which you are not, I should say that I have dibs on Adrin...
Lainnys: What? Hel-lo! *I'm* his fiancee!
Amelia: Uh...you guys...
Lucine: Like Adrin's going to be interested in a flat-chested little child like you, Lainnys. Even Amelia here is more developed than you, and she's supposed to be a kid!
Amelia: Hey, what are you implying?
Lucine: Jeez, look at the three of you. It's no wonder men aren't attracted to you.
Lina_Inverse: Hey, watch where you're going, sister!
Gourry: That sounds like jealousy to me.
Lainnys: Oh, don't tell me you guys are getting involved in this, too!
Jeremy: Don't look at me, I'm just here for the show.
** Lucine flutters her eyelashes **
Lucine: Oh, but Jeremy, you must admit that my looks are far superior to those of my company.
Jeremy: Don't do this to me, Lucine!
Merene: I am reminded of the story of Paris, prince of Troy, who was to decide between Athena, Aphrodite, and Hera, who the most beautiful of the goddesses would be.
Sylphiel: I come from an alternate universe, so I haven't heard this story. Would you elaborate?
Gourry: Come on, Jeremy. Who do you think is the prettiest?
Merene: First, Hera, queen of the goddesses, promised that if he chose her, she would make him rich and powerful beyond his wildest dreams.
Sylphiel: Mm-hmm.
Lina_Inverse: If you pick me, I'll share some of my treasure with you! Not all...just a little bit...but some!
Merene: Then Athena, goddess of wisdom, promised Paris that if he chose her, she would make him wisest among men.
Sylphiel: I see.
Lainnys: Pick me, and I'll help you out of any stupid mess you get yourself into.
Helen: *coughs* Well, that was strained. Sorry.
Merene: Anyway, Aphrodite, goddess of love, promises Paris that if he chooses her, she will make the most beautiful woman in the world his wife.
Sylphiel: Fascinating.
Lucine: You *know* why you should choose me.
Jeremy: Um....
Merene: Problem is, this woman, Helen, is already married.
Sylphiel: Oh, dear.
Lina_Inverse: Hey, I thought you wanted dibs on Adrin!
Lucine: Eh, I'll take what I can get. It's not like what goes on here has any bearing on the real story!
Amelia: And what about me? Why didn't I get involved in that long attempt at metaphorical humor?
** Amelia pauses **
Amelia: Look at that string of long words I just used! Helen, you're twisting us horribly out of character! It's bad enough that, as a fictional entity, I can't control my life, but it's so much worse when someone does it wrong!
Lucine: We've been trying to tell her that for a long time now.
Helen: Oh, I think you know that I don't control you nearly so much as you control me.
Lainnys: Hey, she's right! Let's make her end this chat session!
Helen: Okay....it's done.