Chapter 4: Time

Tonight she came at him like a storm, shouting from the moment she appeared. )Just what is going on here? How much do you know?( Krissen demanded.

-How much do I know about what?- Zedd replied.

)The dreams. Do you—( She broke off with a sigh, and Zedd raised an eyebrow. )I’m sorry. I—I just feel like such a fool…(

-There’s nothing to feel foolish about- Zedd reached out to her, but she slid away from him. -What’s wrong?-

)Nothing, nothing, nothing( She curled up around herself, shaking her head helplessly. )Oh, gods, what am I doing here? What am I doing?(

-Please don’t be upset. It hurts to look at you when you’re like this, and dreams are supposed to be an escape from unpleasant things-

)When they’re just dreams, yes( Krissen replied quietly, without looking at him. Zedd laughed. She could feel his arms slide around her—how real were the feelings in these dreams? More than the strange numbness of normal dreams, but still somehow muffled—and he kissed the top of her head.

-As much as I’d like to believe it was real, I know it isn’t- he said to her. -Don’t be upset. It’s only a dream- She struggled to think of a reply, her heart aching, when Zedd vanished.

*

"Go away! Leave me alone!" Amaya cried out. Zedd jerked awake at the sound of her cry while Asuka, who had already been sitting up in her bed, moved to soothe the child.

"Shh, shh," she said softly. "It was only a dream." She held the little girl as she sobbed, unable to erase the nightmare from her head. It was rare that Zedd heard such tenderness in Asuka’s normally emotionless voice. It’s certainly not a tone she uses on me, he thought, holding back a sigh. His dreams of Krissen had dulled the edge of his feelings for Asuka, but he could still feel the ache inside of him.

Either that, or I had some bad meat at dinner.

"Even if this man will not catch Amaya, doesn’t he have the potential to do the same to other children?" Zedd asked Asuka, once the child had fallen asleep again. "We must find out where he is, and make sure—"

"He is dead," Asuka replied, her voice both quiet and firm. "She killed him, though she doesn’t know it," she added, stroking the sleeping girl’s hair.

"Why didn’t you tell me about this?" Zedd demanded. Asuka glared at him—if he raised his voice any more, Amaya might awaken.

"You did not ask me," Asuka replied.

Zedd didn’t feel sleepy anymore. "Tomorrow, we must go to Geyshard’s castle," he said. "We need to finish this."

"No," Asuka said, in her soft, emotionless tone. "It is not yet time."

"What do you mean? What are you waiting for?"

"Zedd, who would take care of Amaya if something happened to us? Not only is she a helpless child, but she has a completely untrained Gift. She is both dangerous and in great danger."

"Nothing will happen to us," the older mage replied stubbornly, sitting up in his bed.

"Perhaps you think you can handle an entire army by yourself, but at least I know better."

Her emotions must be returning, Zedd thought. He would’ve been amused if he weren’t so irritated. She seems to be very good at annoyance and sarcasm!

Aloud, he said to her, "I know better than that. But with our magic power, against only Khallis and Sorrow—"

"You are right," Asuka replied. I know that I will be able to defeat him. "But it is not yet time. And I want to make certain that Amaya is taken care of and trained."

"We’ll always be here to watch over her," Zeddicus said stubbornly, as if he could force it to be true by saying it strongly enough. He felt a sickness in his heart, however, that he couldn’t shake off.

"Perhaps you are right," Asuka replied. "Perhaps I am taking unnecessary precautions. But I will not go to the castle until I feel that the time has come."

Zedd found himself wondering what Krissen would do in the situation. She’s probably good enough that she could defeat him in a duel, he thought. Even with Sorrow in his hands—it’s just a sword, with warped magic. The Lioness of legend mastered a sword of Duke Roger’s making; with my help, maybe Kris could—

What am I thinking? Zedd berated himself. Kris won’t do anything—she doesn’t have anything to do with this battle. She doesn’t even know where I am, and doesn’t care. It’s better that way.

So why was it so hard to convince himself of that?

And why wouldn’t she stay out of his dreams?

*

After Zedd had left the dream-void, Krissen had found herself within another vision that didn’t feel like a dream, but at least this one took place in a world more familiar than the white space.

On the grounds of her childhood home, a woman was crying. She had always looked sad to the blond girl, eight years of age, but Krissen had never actually seen her cry before.

The woman had an elegant look to her; she dressed in fine silks, and her dark hair had been twisted up in jeweled combs. Her tears left tracks through the paint that had colored her dark skin a paler, more ladylike shade.

She did not know she was being watched; the woman seemed to have no idea that a shy young girl took so much interest in her actions. At the moment, she seemed to be oblivious to everything else except her sorrow.

Now was not the time for spying. Instead, Krissen plucked a flower from its roots in the garden. She carried it to the crying woman and offered it to her.

Blinking away tears, she took it. "Why are you giving this to me?" she asked, her voice rough and barely more than a whisper.

"Because you needed something to be happy about," Krissen replied.

The woman stared at her in confusion, but the girl’s expression did not change. She looked hopeful, and the woman tried to smile. "Thank you, Lady Krissen," she said.

The scene seemed to drift away.

*

The bearer of Sorrow looked up without warning. "I have been waiting for you to return to me, little killer," Hirom Khallis said, his voice disinterested. "It is a shame that such a lovely spell as that in your pendant was so easily destroyed—and yet, I knew you would return to me."

Tsuriko stepped out of the shadows in which she had been hiding. She had been moving silently, invisibly—was it Khallis who sensed her presence, or his sword?

It didn’t matter. She showed no emotion, no fear, no uncertainty. "I return for vengeance," she said.

A tiny smile touched Khallis’s lips. "Then come and take it." Slowly, he drew Sorrow, pointing the sword at her.

She threw a dagger—a glowing orange shield flashed around her enemy and deflected it. Now he was coming at her—she dodged the blow of his sword and landed a kick on his stomach, drawing a longer knife.

Sorrow sliced her shoulder. It took all her strength to prevent him from landing another hit, taking a mental inventory of the enchanted items which she carried. Could nothing help her now?

How could any human move so quickly? She could feel her stamina fading, but he still came at her, and she knew she was backing towards a wall, and tried to twist away.

Sorrow cut her again, striking the bone in her left arm. The realization that she would die struck her, but she made no sound. She could feel the blood and sweat dripping from her body.

The honorable thing to do would be to die. To be bested by a worthy enemy was not a dishonorable death. But what good was honor if one wasn’t around to enjoy it?

I value my life, she realized.

The first charm she touched emitted a black smoke that made the air thick and opaque. Another cloaked her in invisibility, and she ran. Her chest and legs ached, but if she did not run, she would die.

When the smoke cleared, she was gone. Khallis did not pursue her—he had a greater enemy to wait for.

*

Zedd was frustrated. He and Asuka spent their days teaching Amaya the basics of magic, who learned quickly the magic of fire and light, and was a far more patient student than the first he’d attempted to teach magic.

He hadn’t dreamed of Krissen since the night Amaya had her nightmare, though last night he had dreamed of Kahlan. It was strange, how long it had been since he had given much thought to his first love.

And it doesn’t hurt anymore—at least, not as much as it once did, Zedd thought while Asuka and Amaya were meditating. Not nearly so much. I don’t even feel guilty about it anymore. Living forces us to forget these things, I suppose.

I wonder what Kahlan would say if she saw me now. I have to believe she would want me to do what would make me happiest—even she wouldn’t expect me to pine over her forever.

He looked at Asuka. I do love her, Zedd thought. And she loves me, I know it. When she has her memory again, she won’t be afraid anymore. She won’t be afraid to love me. The thought of love always brought Krissen into his mind, but he tried not to think of her. If it weren’t for the dreams, I wouldn’t be thinking about her at all…but I still don’t understand. It doesn’t matter—I’ll never see her again. I can’t. Maybe we could’ve worked things out—but we didn’t! It’s over, and I don’t have another chance…

Except in dreams.

While he had been thinking, he hadn’t noticed Asuka and Amaya rise from their meditation. Asuka tapped him on the shoulder, but when he looked up at her, she seemed to be looking straight through him.

"It’s time," she said. "Make your preparations. Tomorrow, we ride for the castle."

*

Krissen knew she needed rest, as did her horse—both had been pushed far too hard in the ride south. She found an inn and stabled Morning Star, then collapsed in her own room.

Asuka stood before her in the white space, a bitter smile on her face. /I understand everything, now/ she said.

Krissen nodded. Even in the dream, she was too tired to argue. )Tell me what you understand( she said.

/When my memory did not return to me, I asked the Great Mother Goddess for an answer/ Asuka explained. /I do not think it coincidence that Amaya appeared that very night, running away from a man who, she said, was trying to take herself away from her. Who she is, I knew for certain when she arrived at our door/

)Then—she’s you?( Krissen gasped.

/Yes. And when she arrived, I knew that my days were limited. My memory was not locked away from me by Geyshard—it was destroyed. Now, Amaya must be given the chance to live that I never had, and I will do anything to give her that chance. When she came, I knew that that was my sole purpose—and once it was achieved, there would be no reason for me to live/

)I understand, but—why are you telling me this? What does this have to do with me?(

/You know that Zeddicus would not understand/ Asuka replied. Krissen was silent—she knew that Asuka was right. /And when I am gone, someone needs to take care of him/

)Zedd takes care of himself( Krissen sighed. )He wants nothing from me(

/Then why has he continued to love you in your dreams? He does not know they are any more than dreams—and therefore feels free to do what his heart desires, even if his conscious self would not allow it/

)That’s it—his conscious self won’t allow it. The way we act in dreams is one thing—in the waking world, things are different. We would never allow ourselves to behave as we do in our dreams(

/I still disagree/ Asuka replied. /But Zedd is not the only reason I have asked you to come. Amaya came in search of a sister, an older half-sister she believed would take care of her—Zedd believes this sister to be me. He is wrong, but I believe that I know who Amaya’s sister—my sister—is/

Krissen thought of her dream, of the memory of the woman who came to her house when she was a child. )That’s—impossible—( she gasped.

/I suppose there is a chance that I could be mistaken/ Asuka admitted. /Check the castle for yourself, once the battle is over. Geyshard took Amaya’s belongings—they should still be there. Her mother gave her a letter to give to her sister/

"…still…impossible…" Krissen was murmuring as she awoke. It was still dark in her room, and she drifted back into sleep quickly, and thankfully did not remember her dreams after that.